Meditation – Practical Bodywork

Lazy, Self-Indulgent Workaholics

I’m signed up for a lot of Inspirational Mailing Lists. My inbox is inundated with a symphony of earnest healers and coaches, all urging me to “Slow down to speed up! Take some time for reflection! Don’t be busy for the sake of it!”

If they only knew.

Sometimes I think the systems I’ve created in order to structure my life as a single mother, owner of two businesses, and aspiring author threaten to overtake the work that they purport to enable. I work out, meditate, fill out my Six Big Rocks, journal, network, research, interview, write self-indulgent blog posts, host my spiritual community, and lie on my foam roller. It’s a wonder I get anything done at all, in the cracks between striving not to be busy.

So I often feel that these missives I send to you, my beloved friends and colleagues, are redundant in the extreme. “Take some time for self-care,” I urge you, over and over. Yeah, duh.

But then it occurs to me that there’s still a voice in my head telling me that I’m going to wind up a bag lady because I got a massage on my friend’s birthday, and took another friend to a Korean spa, the very next weekend. That my business is going to fail because I went to the gym after bus stop drop-off and didn’t get to the office until 11AM. That I shouldn’t start taking care of myself until my debts are paid off and I’ve got a six-month cushion in my bank account.

And that, I think, is because all the unspoken cues I’ve received since birth have been along the lines of “work harder, not smarter,” because otherwise, there’s no telling what will become of me. That’s the culture of the good ol’ US of A. That’s how Tim Ferriss can sell you lazy as a lifestyle while living the opposite.

Lack of self-care, in other words, is the norm.

So here’s something I learned from an Inspirational Coach. When your brain tells you something like, “I shouldn’t go get a massage, because that’s lazy, self-indulgent, and I can’t afford it,” stop. Ask your brain, “Is it true? Am I absolutely sure that it’s true? What is this thought giving me? Who would I be without this thought?”

And then proceed accordingly.

How To Make Your Body Disappear

Some fun new research has discovered that turning your gym into an oversized, self-propelled boom box can boost your workout performance:

…the results showed that most of the volunteers had generated significantly greater muscular force while working at the musically equipped machines than the unmodified ones. They also had used less oxygen to generate that force and reported that their exertions had felt less strenuous. Their movements were also more smooth in general, resulting in a steadier flow of music.

Directional Flow, artwork by Exper Giovanni Rubaltelli Abstract Design — ‘Directional Flow,’ Exper Giovanni Rubaltelli
Abstract Design

Earlier research has already demonstrated that music both inspires workouts and calms the nervous system, improving overall performance. Along with endorphins, it’s a natural pain reliever (as I can attest, having shredded my posterior tibial tendon by running with the assistance of Coldplay.)

But still, most of us treat things like music as incidental–nice to have, when we think about it, but not necessary or integral to our lives.

Music, however, can be a gateway to the state of consciousness known as ‘flow’; when we are so engaged in an activity that our sense of time and identity seems suspended. As Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi describes, in ‘Flow: The Secret to Happiness,’ our brains can only process about 110 bits of information per second. When our brains are immersed in a creative activity, there is not enough bandwidth left over for maintaining a sense of individual identity, and all that goes with it–hunger, fatigue, worry, and pain.

I don’t know how many of you experience this, but during my 20+ years as an artist, I routinely use music as a way to jump-start a state of flow. It’s like hopping on a train. The music seems to obviate doubt and paralysis by providing a clear pattern for moving and thinking. My brain is both attending and translating the sounds into a series of creative decisions which leave no room for extraneous sensations. It’s only when the album ends that I notice I’m hungry and have to pee.

How does this happen for you? Do you ever drop your body while you’re working? What about during a massage?

Touchy Topic Tuesday: How To Solve A Problem

“No problem can be solved at the same level of consciousness which created it.”–Albert Einstein

Last week we discussed the effects of scarcity on the brain’s ability to think. The more pressing and immediate our problems, the less bandwidth we have available for coping with them. This holds true for money problems, relationship problems, time problems and health problems. We get so wrapped up in a negative feedback loop that we enter a ‘stress tunnel,’ where we can only see the terror before us, and lose our capacity for long-range planning.

So, with thanks to Jeanna Gabellini, my lovely business coach, I present an all-purpose strategy for solving problems.

1. Notice that you have a problem.

The reason denial is such a common coping strategy is that it keeps things comfortably familiar. If you have no problems, there’s nothing you have to change. Moreover, if you ‘admit’ you have a problem, that’s tantamount to placing blame, which as we know is of the devil.

So if you can go so far as to say to yourself, “hmmm, there seems to be a problem here,” without attaching a value judgement to it, you have already taken a major step toward solving it.

2. Study the parameters of the problem.

If you have financial problems, sit down and look at your accounts. If you are ill and/or in pain, contemplate your own mortality. If you’re on the verge of divorce, look over the brink. If you’re operating on a permanent time deficit, borrow an hour from all your pressing commitments and do nothing.

This will be scary. It will induce panic, despair, and the desire to consume copious amounts of alcohol. Stick with those feelings. Have a good long talk with them and hear what they have to say. Let them scream and cry and rage until they’re done.

Why this works: Your negative emotions are only parasitic entities when you try to sweep them under the rug. When you stop trying to evade them, they burn themselves out, reveal themselves to be illusory, or just start boring you to tears.

3. Notice what beliefs you have around this problem.

If you are anything like me, you could write a book-length essay entitled “Why I Am So Screwed.” Boil it down to the essence. Describe, to your intellectual and emotional satisfaction, why it is impossible to solve this problem.

Why this works: Our beliefs determine our actions. Most of the time, our minds are operating under a set of assumptions which were formulated before we were seven years old. Trying to solve a problem by handing it over to a seven-year-old’s id pretty much guarantees sub-optimal results.

4. Quiet your mind.

For some people, this involves visualizations about stuffing your problems into a bloated weather balloon and watching it float away. For others, rigorous Zen meditation is the only way to go.

You might get some respite from mental chatter by going for a five-mile run, or watching George Carlin clips, or putting on the Bee Gees and imitating John Travolta until you spot the neighbors gawping and laughing their a***s off.

Do whatever works for you. It doesn’t have to be perfect. You merely aim to create a perceptible gap in your mental landscape.

Why this works: Your brain has access to amazing resources, once you clear some bandwidth.

5. Open up to a shift in perspective.

For those of you who are very smart, this will not be easy. You must consider the possibility that you–or your seven-year-old id–might be wrong. For many of us, this is scarier than Step 2.

On the other hand, there COULD be a solution to this impossible, miserable, soul-scorching problem. That would be really nice.

So just entertain the possibility.

Why this works: See the quote from Albert Einstein, above.

6. Ask your newly quiet, open mind some specific questions.

Tailor your questions in a way which allows for fabulous things to happen. For example, instead of asking “Why am I always broke?” try asking “How can we easily double our household income this year?” Or, “How can I best experience passion and romance in my life this week?”

Why this works: That clear bandwidth in your brain needs to focus itself on coming up with the most efficient solution to your problem. It can’t do this if it is grinding away upon irrelevant concerns. Therefore, ask questions that you really want to know the answers to.

7. Listen for the answer.

Your mind may present you with an image, a single sentence, or a detailed set of instructions. Write down whatever comes, without editing and without judging. If nothing comes, go about your day and check in later.

Effective solutions will not be emotionally charged. If your mind presents you with an answer that feels angry, judgmental, anxious, fearful, contemptuous, or cruel, this is your seven-year-old id talking. Pat your seven-year-old self on the head and go for another walk.

8. Act upon information received.

Lots of people skip this part, and then wonder why nothing ever changes. It’s the reason why people get addicted to psychics and Tarot cards. They’re looking for an answer that doesn’t require action on their part.

A good answer to a problem may not look like anything you recognize. It may not seem to be addressing the problem at all. It will, however, be sensible (or at least innocuous), and feel like a nice thing to do at the moment.

Why this works: Taking small, sensible actions that feel nice are the ONLY way to implement sustained changes. If a proposed action makes you feel bad, you won’t take it, at least not consistently. Thus it is not a solution to your problem, no matter how rational it appears.

9. Rinse and repeat.

If you get in the habit of using this process, you will not only get better at clearing your bandwidth, you’ll be able to continually tweak your actions according to your situation. You’ll discover new opportunities because your mind will be clear enough to notice and act upon them.

What kinds of mind-clearing and problem-solving techniques work for you? Please leave your insights in the comments!

What to Do When You Can’t DO Anything

As many of you know, my brother-in-law, Leif, is currently battling a rare form of cancer called mantle cell lymphoma. He’s young, formidably strong and has one of the healthiest lifestyles of anyone I know. We went up to Maine to visit him last week.

It’s impossible to describe what it’s like to watch someone you love go through a terrible experience. As far too many of us already know, cancer treatment is not only brutal, but chronic; it just goes on and on. Coping with chronic is qualitatively different from coping with a crisis, like getting hit by a bus; getting hit by a bus has a narrative arc that you can move through. Getting cancer is like setting up house in the middle of a freeway.

Most of us, of course, want to be able to walk into a crisis and fix it. Feeling helpless in the face of suffering is thus one of the most difficult states of mind we endure. So what can we do about that? Here are a few suggestions.

• Never underestimate the healing value of mundane service. Wash dishes, clean floors, do laundry, run errands, cook a healthy meal. These tasks are particularly helpful by virtue of the fact that they are infinitely renewable, and can be done without thinking too hard.

• Just be around. Send notes, send gifts, make phone calls. They’re appreciated.

• Don’t say, “If there’s anything I can do, give me a call!” Instead say, “Would it be helpful if I brought a meal, did laundry?” People under stress are often too overwhelmed to be proactive in asking for help. Use your common sense, double-check, and listen to the answers.

• Meditate. Here is Ken Wilber:

…Foremost among these practices is the one known as tonglen, which means “taking and sending.” The practice is as follows:

In meditation, picture or visualize someone you know and love who is going through much suffering–an illness, a loss, depression, pain, anxiety, fear. As you breathe in, imagine all of that person’s suffering–in the form of dark, black, smokelike, tarlike, thick, and heavy clouds–entering your nostrils and traveling down into your heart. Hold that suffering in your heart. Then, on the outbreath, take all of your peace, freedom, health, goodness, and virtue, and send it out to the person in the form of healing, liberating light. Imagine that they take it all in, and feel completely free, released, and happy. Do that for several breaths. Then imagine the town that person is in, and, on the inbreath, take in all of the suffering of that town, and send back all of your health and happiness to everyone in it. Then do that for the entire, state, then the entire country, the entire planet, the universe. You are taking in all the suffering of beings everywhere and sending them back health and happiness and virtue.

When people are first introduced to this practice, their reactions are usually strong, visceral, and negative. Mine were. Take that black tar into me? Are you kidding? What if I actually get sick? This is insane, dangerous! When Kalu first gave us these tonglen instructions, a woman stood up in the audience of about one hundred people and said what virtually everybody there was thinking:

“But what if I am doing this with someone who is really sick, and I start to get that sickness myself?”

Without hesitating Kalu said, “You should think, Oh good! It’s working!”

…

A strange thing begins to happen when one practices tonglen for any length of time. First of all, nobody actually gets sick. Rather, you find that you stop recoiling in the face of suffering, both yours and others’. You stop running from pain, and instead find that you can begin to transform it by simply being willing to take it into yourself and then release it. The real changes start to happen in you, by the simple willingness to get your ego-protecting tendencies out of the way.

–Ken Wilber, ‘Grace and Grit,’ 247-49

This doesn’t have to be a big dogmatic deal. You don’t have to let anyone know you’re doing it. It’s a practice that may help you to be more present, less anxious, and less visibly freaked out. Lots of us want to ‘be strong’ for our loved ones, but what does that mean? Stoicism? False cheer? Pretending nothing’s wrong?

Tonglen meditation can help you stop ‘doing’ and move into ‘being,’ which is where authentic connection lives.