The Trash Heap of the Soul


Ten weeks ago, our new back yard was a weed-choked wasteland.

We moved in late April; it took a couple of weeks to unpack. By the time we tackled the yard, it was already late in the season. We turned over some beds, threw down some seeds, bunged in a few starters (“bunged’ is a word. P.G. Wodehouse uses it ALL THE TIME), and took a hose to the whole mess.

Two months later, we are battling a jungle. Note to self: never plant the whole packet of pumpkin seeds.

At the same time, I’ve been doing a daily meditation practice, based on Joey Klein’s “The Inner Matrix.” This week’s exercise involves bringing a “higher vibration emotion” to a “lower vibration situation.”

This made me nervous. I was afraid I’d find out what a jerk I was. Leaving my partner in rage and frustration, just because he’s been voluntarily unemployed for seven years? Even though we have a wonderful daughter to raise? Maybe I wasn’t LOVING ENOUGH. Maybe if I’d been more patient, things would have turned out differently.

So, in trepidation, I brought the energy of unconditional love to this situation.

And to my very great surprise, I saw myself lovingly, calmly and decidedly leaving him, five years sooner than I actually did. Because staying in an abusive situation isn’t loving–to myself.

It amazes me, how fast and how huge my “starters” are growing. I didn’t expect such soil fertility in a vacant urban lot. “Maybe it was a midden,” suggested another gardener.


“Garbage heap,” she explained.

Nothing is wasted. It all goes back into the ground and comes back as roses, eggplants, tomatoes and giant man-eating pumpkin vines. And when you love yourself, things turn out okay.

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